![my husband won my husband won](https://d.newsweek.com/en/full/1932420/mil-dil.jpg)
It is very common that when any third person, be it a parent, starts living with two people in a marriage, the partners' space and equation get troublesome. And take heart: You’ll still have all your other child-free friends to commiserate with.From what you have shared, I can understand that you are getting increasingly frustrated and exhausted, which is a very valid reaction to the situation you have described. Let your friend worry about pregnancy and childbirth, what she can and cannot do post-baby, how life will change with kids, her child’s tantrums and annoying behavior, and any and all other parenting matters, because she will be the parent. I think it’s OK to just reach out and kindly ask her whenever you’re unsure-you should still be able to discuss when and where and how you hang out, just as you would if some other situation or life change had an impact on your needs and availability. As for accommodations and planning for social things, I’d start by letting your friend tell you what’s going to work for her.
![my husband won my husband won](https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/FB-Leave-and-Cleave.jpg)
That said, you never have to be their favorite babysitter or honorary aunt. There are kids I personally like hanging out with and kids I really don’t like hanging out with, and you might find that you like this particular child if you get to know them. I would try, as much as possible, to keep an open mind, as every kid is different.
![my husband won my husband won](https://leslievernick.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/BLOG-13.png)
![my husband won my husband won](https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/TNMMothervsDaughter-leave-and-cleave.jpg)
I’m also concerned that you’d admit to admiring and even liking her less based on this choice.ĭear Care and Feeding: My Husband’s Family Has Taken Their Disney Obsession Too Farĭear Care and Feeding: My Daughters’ Friends Have the Most Frustrating Excuse for Being Flaky But it seems unnecessarily harsh to refer to her possibly not returning to work as her “giv up,” and to imply that it means she would no longer be setting a good example for your child. Having a stay-at-home parent might not be the most practical decision in your family’s case-and I also hear that you’ve always admired your wife’s ambition, which is no bad thing. The decision to be a stay-at-home parent, if one is privileged enough to have the option (and if it’s not forced on them due to under- or unemployment or a pandemic that’s closed school buildings across the country), is obviously complex and different for everyone, and it’s not as though this country gives parents the best options or support. Of course there could be other factors at play, like postpartum anxiety, and it would be hard for her and for all of you if she wound up regretting this choice later.īut based on what you shared, I think perhaps you’re looking at this question in a rather reductive, self-focused kind of way, and without a lot of information about why your wife feels the way she does. I hope that your wife takes the opportunity to talk this through with anyone she needs or wants to talk to before making a decision. I’m not discounting the financial consequences of giving up nearly half the family income, or the great satisfaction many people draw from their careers. I understand this is a jarring about-face from your wife’s past position on working. It’s really surprising to hear that her career isn’t that important to her anymore. We met when we worked at the same company many years ago, and one of the things I was most attracted to was her ambition and tenacity. She has a good job that she enjoyed before going on leave, and had always been adamant that she wanted to continue working even after becoming a mom. This is such a departure from our plans before the baby was born. I asked her why, and she said she enjoys being a mother too much to leave our daughter to go back to work when she doesn’t need to. She recently told me she doesn’t want to go back to her job and would like to be a stay-at-home parent instead. My wife’s company has a generous maternity leave policy, and she has been at home with our daughter since the birth and is scheduled to go back to work just after her first birthday in January. I am a new father to a beautiful 10-month-old girl. Have a question? Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. Nicole is out today, so we’re publishing a few of her classic Care and Feeding letters.